she said, you don't seem like the unstable type, and i laughed and smiled and did not say, you don't know the half of it

i can't i can't get any sort of control of my moods of my food of my various levels of energy and i am going mad mad mad mad mad

and how am i supposed to work like this with ravenous hands and two pounds of strawberries in my belly and my brain still dizzy and/or tired and/or zipping along and/or twitchy and/or in a dream-like stupor and/or unable to sit still and and i am so itchy irritable i am quite sure tearing my hair out would feel a-may-zing

i am so irritated at stupid work things and roommate things and food things and the need to consume things and oh pretty much everything

this isn't me of course but it is quite indicative of my current state of affairs, that is, feeling trapped inside a sweater

and bolstered by my afore-announced goal to eat 2 lbs of strawberries in one day my roommate went and ate a whole watermelon in one go which irritated me all the more, though now that i think about it it's kind of funny plus she was very cute while trying to beat me and all i could think was Dearest you have no idea the kinds of capacities my stomach can handle

i ran four miles this morning which was unfortunately not 16 but was something at least and i felt fantastic but still my legs are twitching and aching to go again and run to the ends of the earth which of course would mean right back here as there are no ends of the earth a'tall so maybe i will just stick with dreaming of running the aforementioned 16 miles or maybe 26 or maybe 26.2 because the goal is to end up not back here but rather Somewhere Else entirely which is specifically Not Here

i was trying for a few minutes there to figure out what the point of this post is but having realised that there is none, all i have to say is this: too bad and maybe in my most vindictive irritated moments: ha ha

also-also? if someone finds a lost-and-scattered hoard of punctuation somewhere that obviously belongs to my brain do send it on back won't you? i clearly have lost 9/10ths of mine and i imagine it makes for some difficult reading on your part though from this side of the screen it's not entirely not entertaining