thank you lazarus because i stole this image from you. because it's so true so true so true SO TRUE i cannot bear it.
i cannot bear much these days.
i'm sorry if i'm unable to comment
i'm heart-wrenchingly sorry that i'm unable to respond to your email, my dear
i'm sorry i eat too much or not enough, that i'm not disappearing fast enough, that i still exist in some broken visible form shuffling about on this earth
i'm sorry my life is slipping away because i can't care enough about it to hold on
i'm sorry i fill these endless hours with pills and weed so that i won't have to remember this time later on, it's better that way, believe me
i'm sorry i will never be what you want me to be and i'm sorry i'm going to try very hard to stand up straight and not care. and we'll start with my hair which is fiery red once again and more so than last you saw and a new japanese rocker cut and you'll hate it and i can't wait, oh i can't
i'm sorry for existing, mostly
for the weight i bear, the pressure i bear, 14.7 psi my ass, it's so exponentially more than that because i bear too the weight i make you bear which you give back to me with added weight. no wonder i shuffle about, cannot lift my eyes from the ground. i am humpbacked and sagging and ashamed.
kill me tragically now, will you? so i'll continue to shine with potential forevermore and become a fixed and waxen thing-that-could've-been so you can see always what you wanted me to be. oh. you'll actually see me even less than now. only who will you give the guilt to?
as it turns out the only thing to do is stand up on our own and realign our bones and strengthen our spines and walk forth into the world impermeable and do whatever it is we need to do to become Real People. we do exist we do exist we take up space and we ought to and whatever you say, WE DO NOT EXIST FOR YOU.
we exist for ourselves.
i am trying very hard to believe what i'm writing. try too, won't you? i've got a feeling it's worthwhile.
No comments:
Post a Comment