disclaimer: this post is not going to be very well written because my brain is currently busy in three other quadrants of space

all you ever do is observe yourself. 


so much time wasted on such an average subject. stop trying to find meaning. there are no patterns. there is only a dissociation with time and a splitting and an intensity and speed.


my body won't keep up with my brain. my brain isn't quite up to the speed of light yet but it's damn near close. i'm trying to rediscover kundera but i can't pay attention to anything longer than three microseconds. i need people to entertain me but my friends learned long ago to leave me alone. so i sleep in the day and hum along at night eating candy corn and laughing at myself.

hallowe'en is not ok by me. my reality is too disjointed to reasonably deal with adults in full costume walking about as if it's nothing. it echoes the madness in my head. i forget where i've stopped dreaming. 


i buried myself yesterday and have reemerged in the strange hot sunlight of november. now there are more holidays looming. hallowe'en is this gateway to two months of horror. that is the real scary part. but at least i am giggly and happy-ish and impermeable and everything is pumpkin.