hunger in the figurative becomes hunger in the literal and both lead to the same end

the habit of eating is overwhelming me. it does not stop, it never stops. i cannot even think to write because i am thinking of the next thing to eat, the next, the next. i want to cut off my mouth or the part of my brain that tells me to eat or both or all of it. coming up with more and more absurd solutions. trepanning. lobotomy. a tapeworm. duct taping the mouth shut. i heard of a man who was caught in bed with a woman and his wife shot him twice in the stomach. he had to have a third of it removed. skinny lanky man in a family of obesity. finding myself wishing.

just something to release this driving pressure in my brain.

finding myself at the mirror more and more and avoiding those clothes, you know the ones. avoiding those Issues. the mirror, the thighs and the mirror, the butt and the belly and the panic in the mirror.

and the panic in the heart at waking up and once more finding myself alive. and ravenous.