into the woods, the wolf's belly

supposing i sit very very still, supposing i do not look nor think nor remember, is it possible to achieve invisibility? or cease to exist, which is more or less the same thing?

 we who were made ghosts before we understood what it was to be human want so badly to slip into the grainy stills of black and white until we look the way we feel, until we feel nothing at all, and thereby somehow prove we are something. 

don't you see? we are heartbreaking. 

and still i am negating myself and i cannot not, despite my fading color, the slipshod patchwork of my brain, my dead pale eyes that say we know this story already, we know the end but tell it all the same, let's live it through again