nightmare
please end. please send me back to LA. i cannot bear it here any longer.
i am naked and desperate. i have not known even marginal comfort
in six days. except for you, your comments, your facebook notes. something
about knowing you are real makes this insanity more bearable.
i am leaving my parents' today. i am counting down the hours.
it's been a vicious nightmare from which i can't wake and i'm starting to
believe i'll be caught in an infinite loop, the plane will bring me right back
here again. i'll have to go on with the frenzied bingeing and the half-hearted
vomiting and the sweaty fear and the near-cataleptic despair. the exponential
gravity in this house, the way it crushes me, my mother's gripping suffocating
hugs. don't hold on so much. i'm not yours anymore.
i want to vomit so vehemently i turn myself inside out.
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