the quiet presses in on me palpably and holds me upright. cocoon
at last. sleep deprivation and too much work and all i can think is press on, press on, press on.
that momentary break when i am allowed for 15 minutes to sit down. knowing i will have to be up and working again i can taste the sweetness of the chair, my muscles relaxing, the stillness. the space around me is not empty but a living, breathing thing. i am surprised to find i belong in it.
buoyed up sheerly by caffeine, adrenaline and the rush of a breathless two-day text conversation. whatever demons in my head have been shoved aside. i've got better shit to do, oh yes i do.
i've been thinking lately that bravery is the best attribute. doing something when you're shit scared and knowing it could ruin you but that if it doesn't it'll make you luminous. all day yesterday i shone, because bravery is sometimes no more than responding to a text or letting someone in or realising within a moment that you deserve to exist. that you can press on and get through.
sometimes controlled desperation is a wonderful thing. i want it to end and i want to sleep but there is an unparalleled beauty in this. in moments when i do not have time or energy to question myself i find i move through the world more gracefully than ever, i find that those questions do not matter.
that momentary break when i am allowed for 15 minutes to sit down. knowing i will have to be up and working again i can taste the sweetness of the chair, my muscles relaxing, the stillness. the space around me is not empty but a living, breathing thing. i am surprised to find i belong in it.
buoyed up sheerly by caffeine, adrenaline and the rush of a breathless two-day text conversation. whatever demons in my head have been shoved aside. i've got better shit to do, oh yes i do.
i've been thinking lately that bravery is the best attribute. doing something when you're shit scared and knowing it could ruin you but that if it doesn't it'll make you luminous. all day yesterday i shone, because bravery is sometimes no more than responding to a text or letting someone in or realising within a moment that you deserve to exist. that you can press on and get through.
sometimes controlled desperation is a wonderful thing. i want it to end and i want to sleep but there is an unparalleled beauty in this. in moments when i do not have time or energy to question myself i find i move through the world more gracefully than ever, i find that those questions do not matter.
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