don't get stuck in this mire with me, please

i cannot always be that sun around which you orbit

i am not always made of light

yes there is a strength in me which is hell bent on survival

but things are about to get very dark very fast

i spent last night writhing in absolute horror, reliving too much, unable to get out

the numbers on the scale are dropping rapidly and i hardly care, i cannot bring myself to eat

and this is only the beginning

tapping at the crust of the crème brûlée, so to speak

i do not want you to get sucked down with me

black holes absorb even the surrounding light, and it takes eons or fractions of a second to be sucked in, depending on your position

all i am saying is that you can stop reading if you want, i do not want you to fall with me

i know you will say pah! and pish tosh! and lovely things about my writing and that i shine forth regardless but every time atreyu has to abandon artax to save himself, to go on. every time. and every time i cry.

is it bad that the horse means more to me than people? is it bad that my cats give me the only unconditional love i've ever known? that my fear has spread to the daytime now like an infectious flesh-eating chancre?