vacant eyes,
swollen throat, cracked lips and hands that snatch. aujourd'hui i have put
every color into my mouth, watched it come up again. my stomach clenches hard
in frantic desire to keep something for its own. i have forgotten what it means
to digest.
my brain is empty
too. i cannot say i don't like it this way.
wasted and
distracted, i am trying not to drown. keep forgetting. love this secret too
much, love the empty head, the haunted eyes, the fantastic private drama
playing out in my brain. but this is unsustainable. i am still pretending this
is the plot.
i have had my fun.
heart pummels at the ribs every time i lean over now. maybe it's crying wolf
but i am afraid of death.
tomorrow i am
starting over.
tomorrow i rise
again into the land of the living.
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