a glimpse

sitting in the warmth of the sun, black tights to contain me, the length of the weekend, cat beneath my squirming legs. there is some peace here and i am trying to find it. maybe in the way my body moves. forget fatness, forget all of it. tendons and ligaments pull bones, a thousand tiny decisions in the brain and the stretch of muscle. typing one-handed, the other clinging to the sharpness of my shin bone as the muscle moves as my toes curl in these black tights. the cat is full of fur and claws and fat. she curls in the spaces my body makes and all she asks is that i acknowledge her.

how can i not? how can i not adore her?

how can they have loved me so much and yet been so inattentive? there are so many paradoxes here my head cannot help but spin. so many lies.

how could i have been so invisible?

i suppose that's why i've never wanted it as my superpower. i am already invisible. i have always been a ghost.