Sunday, April 29, 2018

upon reaching top velocity there is nowhere to go but down


my body is ravaged, exhausted, swollen and sore. i cannot eat one thing without the panicked compulsion to be sick.

it occurs to me that the main problem here, as ever, is a lack of plot. wondering generally if my troubles with fiction mirror my troubles with life, or vice versa. characters with cancer, whose houses have burned down, who were abused as children, who live in this city or that, who have this job or that; these are situations, not plots. my fiction (life) is sprinkled freely with gerunds, not verbs. passive voice. future conditional, future perfect.

eating disorders are a situation. they are a backdrop against which the action takes place. they interfere with the action. they come forward and recede accordingly. they are not a plot, anise. you cannot spend whole days holed up, eating and puking. you are getting nowhere. you have lost the plot again. who will want to read your novel now?

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