the words in my head will not come out on paper, or, maybe it's my courage that is lacking

there is too much madness swirling about in my head for me to extract single sentences. i am writing at a furious pace but i can't get it down. there's too much electricity here and if i stare too intently everything will burst into flame.

just when you need them to be there, just when you least expect it, they stop acting like parents. probably my giggles didn't help. i probably seemed fine. i am not.

je veux vomir.

j'ai besoin d'une amie ou une soeur. j'ai besoin de quelqu'un pour me tenir.

i don't know if that's the right verb there.

i need someone to hold me very tightly so i do not break. because i am vibrating fit to shatter.