interlude

a thousand food battles aujourd'hui. not battles so much as skirmishes, all of them won. i have been floating through this day, through this rain as if a ghost. droplets fall through me. i am impervious to the wet, the cold, the wind. i am made of something more diaphanous than flesh.

i love this city in the rain. she is exposed and raw, without makeup, without illusions. i can see at last what's underneath, and in the shadows of her ribcage, something exquisite. a beating heart, tiny as it is. i search for my own heart, thumping madly and grown too large, making up the difference.

it has been dusk all day and the clouds stay close and tight like a down duvet and i am snuggled under it, heater on, cats, diet coke, quiet. nothing left to binge on. nothing left but this strange momentary contentment.

i dreamt last night of a gigantic tornado, charcoal winds swirling about like sicked up diet coke. i remember watching, fascinated, at the patterns it made against the rose-colored sky. it did not occur to me to be afraid.