it may not seem
like it now but today has been absolutely completely NORMAL, to the point that
on more than one occasion i found myself becoming worried. worried why? worried
that i'm not really insane, that it's all passed? that i will go to the
therapist for the first time tomorrow and shrug and smile and say, it's all
fine now, sorry? or worse, that he will kick me out and say, we have crazier
(read: more important with real problems) people to care for here, we can't
help you? OR, worried that this is just the eye of the big giant hurricane that
i have only passed halfway through? i can feel the eerie quiet, the electricity
in the damp foggy air. the waiting. the watching. tomorrow the shrink will
think i'm fine and then i'll come in next week a raving lunatic.
what is even going
on around here. why am i so volatile and strange. i feel i am living somebody
else's life that i have borrowed for a while.
and am returning in
shit condition. whale. whale. whale.
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